


Hide It In A Closet

by Da_Melon_Noticed (orphan_account)



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Criminals, Assassin!Mabel, Baker!Tad, Blood and Gore, But It may or may not give you feels, Criminal Mastermind!Bill, Dark!Dipper, F/M, Grown Ups Are Pitiful, Hacker!Gideon, I Solemnly Swear That I Am Up To No Good, I suck at getting reactions from people, I'm Just A Kid Have Mercy, It Should Be Fun Breaking You, Let's Play Detective, M/M, Mafia!Northwests, Mysterious!Stanley, Not A Soap Opera, Spot The Liar, Teacher!Mabel, Thief!Tad, This isn't happy, Timeline What Timeline, Yandere!Dipper, writer!dipper
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-02-23
Updated: 2016-02-25
Packaged: 2018-05-22 19:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6091108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Da_Melon_Noticed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I cannot live where I am not believed in"<br/>This was the sad fate of the lovers of this story, because of the lies and secrets they kept from each other. But again, not a soap opera, so let me just lay out the moral of this story already:</p><p>If you're gonna be a really f*cked up criminal always bring a shovel. And your boyfriend? Not just there to be cute; how else does he knows how to handle your insanity? Speaking of knowledge, darling seemed to know a lot about you when you first met. When questioned about it just act natural and avoid the purple bread.</p><p>But really, just avoid crime of any kind in general.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Warning

**Author's Note:**

> So here's what I'm doing:  
> Every question answered with more than one answer is an extra long chapter. Here's batch 1-
> 
> How does a big, predatory fish hide in a pond of little fish?
> 
> What's a good analogy to crime?
> 
> What do you think my gender is?
> 
> Not gonna say the answers until I actually get them! Tell me in the comments.

"Now what's a bunch of brats like you doing in a mental hospital, huh?", the patient in front of us was currently being pushed on a trolley in those suits they put on crazy people. We looked to our teacher for instructions but he stoically eyed us as if telling us to move aside, and we did as ordered almost instantaneously.

"Hey, remove this damned mask. I can't speak well enough with it on", he looked at us as he was pushed by, and I can tell now that there was a grin upon that disturbing face. His eyes held beautiful intelligence- the kind that tells you 'I'm insane, and I actually know how to control the government with just simple words' sort of look.

I would learn later that my imagination has not failed me.

Now first of all, why the heck are a bunch of kids walking around in a MENTAL ASYLUM on a field trip?? Isn't that dangerous and possibly traumatizing?? Well we were actually just on the safer areas where the sounds from therapies couldn't be heard and the patients are like empty plates. Except for that patient; he came a little early that day and I guess the people just thought "Well f*ck it, let's just terrify and possibly give a bunch of school kids nightmares for a whole year today! It's not like it'll affect this already f*cked up world!"(I am enthusiastic when I write about people's thoughts, mind that). So they had to pass by us because we were close to wherever they entered him. Was I scared? No, surprise or not. You see, I've always had an interest towards the mind and the existence of things, and seeing that man's insanity didn't scare me at all.

Okay maybe I had a couple nightmares about him. But soon the name Dipper Pines would be familiarized, and I dedicate this story to the deceased friend.

I'm certain he's in Hell now, may he rest in his eternally roasting demented pieces.

                                --------------

"Mom?", I just got home when I realized I was missing something.

"Yes dear? Would you like to tell me something?", she smiled pleasantly as she turned from her sweeping to look at me. 

Now such a kind question brought up many things in mind: 'Oh shoot she's happy today' 'Should I tell her I hated love until today when I discovered I have an interest in older males who are mentally ill?' 'I accidentally killed the pet hamster today and blamed it on Tommy' 'Why does daddy always go with the principal to have play dates?' 'Can I join uncle's yakuza?'

But no, none of that was as important as my true purpose for calling upon my mother. "I forgot my backpack at the asylum- I mean, mental hospital"

"Oh dear, then we should go and get it hm?", she put away he things before we left for the asylum.

Now we can finally get to the interesting stuff. Tomorrow, so good night and leave my house now!!


	2. Promises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MORE THAN 3 AMSWERS FROM PEOPLE AND I PROMISE I'LL WRITE A BIG CHAP FOR THIS AFTERNOON. By my definition, of big chapter.

I said I'd update today and I will! Surprises!!!

But I'll update in the afternoon- oops!

So before then, I'd like to ask you all 3 questions!! IF I GET MORE THAN THREE ANSWERS I SWEAR I WILL WROTE A LONG CHAP(by my definition)AND GUESS WHAT?? I'LL EVEN BE UPDATING DURING MY CLASS TIME!! I WON'T CARE IF PEOPLE BE PEEKING AT MY MYSTERIOUS WORK.

Now for the questions:

How does a big fish hide in a pond of little fish? 

What's a good analogy to crime ranks?

What do you think my gender is? 

Cya!!

 

 

But I suppose... A preview is in order...

"Harder Bill!! Please!!! I can't-", Dipper was groaning with desperation at the man above him. "I need this, please!!"

"Oh I love it when... Nngh.. When you beg Pine Tree~", sweat trickled down Bill's face to his neck, and his hair was a disheveled mess as he grinned down at the man. "Beg more and...nghh!! I'll reward you~"

"Don't make this weird", the brunette chuckled and continued to reach for the book. "Almost... Got it!! You can stop pulling the wardrobe now."

"Whoo!", Bill eyed the joyful brunette with his manuscript and sighed.

"Thanks Bill", Dipper pecked his cheek but he grabbed him and peppered the delighted brunette with kisses before the other was allowed to be free.

"I'll be in the basement as usual, go take a shower right now Mr. Cipher", Dipper grinned as he walked out of the room to do as he had said.

"You bet I will! What do you even put in that thing to make it so heavy?", he meant the question to be an emphasis on how heavy the wardrobe is.

"Trophies... Of many sorts", the brunette managed to sound so ominous and triumphant for a second. But it was gone and he skipped out of the room with an innocent smile. 

Deciding it wasn't the weirdest thing he's seen about Dipper's behavior Bill went on to take his shower.

 

 

 


	3. Oh Look, A Shovel!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So before we truly begin, I can't exactly leave you hanging on what happened...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, nobody answered XD. I feel kinda lonely... But here's the chapter I promised! I AM SO SORRY THIS IS LATE BUT NOTHING WENT AS I PLANNED YESTERDAY. Explain more later... Meaning in the afternoon if I can...

"Harder Bill!! Please!!! I can't-", Dipper was groaning with desperation at the man above him. "I need this, please!!"

 

"Oh I love it when... Nngh.. When you beg Pine Tree~", sweat trickled down Bill's face to his neck, and his hair was a disheveled mess as he grinned down at the man. "Beg more and...nghh!! I'll reward you~"

 

"Don't make this weird", the brunette chuckled and continued to reach for the book. "Almost... Got it!! You can stop pulling the wardrobe now."

 

"Whoo!", Bill eyed the joyful brunette with his manuscript and sighed.

 

"Thanks Bill", Dipper pecked his cheek but he grabbed him and peppered the delighted brunette with kisses before the other was allowed to be free.

 

"I'll be in the basement as usual, go take a shower right now Mr. Cipher", Dipper grinned as he walked out of the room to do as he had said.

 

"You bet I will! What do you even put in that thing to make it so heavy?", he meant the question to be an emphasis on how heavy the wardrobe is.

 

"Trophies... Of many sorts", the brunette managed to sound so ominous and triumphant for a second. But it was gone and he skipped out of the room with an innocent smile. 

 

Deciding it wasn't the weirdest thing he's seen about Dipper's behavior Bill went on to take his shower.

 

\---------------

But none of that stuff matters yet so let's go back to when I become friends with a psychopath.

\---------------

 

"Wake up, we're here", my mother patted my shoulder and I awoke to the dark storm clouds clumping towards the sky above the asylum.

 

Since there was a high chance of a thunderstorm with lightning and all, "Mom I think we should go home there's gonna-"

 

"Honey I drove for an hour through traffic to get to this place", her cheery voice had a dark tone laced within it. Mothers are terrifying, and I'm learning a lot from mine.

 

"Okay", albeit the possible danger I dislike disobeying my parents anyway (I'm a good girl!) and there's a shelter nearby.

 

We entered the hospital just as soon as the thunder began to respond and the rain poured. I immediately greeted a woman who I saw during the trip. "Hey miss! I left my backpack in the cafeteria earlier and I was wondering if I could get it?"

 

"Of course honey, I believe the janitor has-", she was cut off by a particularity loud rumble and the lights flickered off for a while. Thirty minutes later they came back on.

 

"Oh dear.. Darlings I suggest you grab your backpack and get outta here quickly. That storm is dangerous and this place isn't exactly the best to stay in during a thunderstorm"

 

"Is it okay though if we stay? I mean just in case; you see we live an hour away from here", my mother glanced at the window worriedly.

 

"Oh no, of course you can. The thing is this place is fallible to power outages during lightning storms... I have to leave now too so it may just be you two and the janitor if he stays. Though I don't think he will... So if it gets worse of course your free to stay it's just-"

 

Once again a loud rumble interrupted her, and if it hadn't she might have continued rambling. "Well, I should go! I pray for your safety, and you'll catch the janitor by now near the closet. Just turn left down the corridor and you'll see a flight of stairs leading down. The janitor's closet is the first door to the right."

 

"Thank you", my mother was just weirded out by this woman, I could tell. So soon she ushered me to our destination.

 

Just around the corner, the lights turned off and I found myself...

 

Terrified for the first time in my life. I heard my mother cry out in pain as she was pulled away by an unknown force. The lights turned on again, and she was sprawled upon the ground unconscious. As I was focused on her I heard the ruffle of clothing and quick pattering footsteps in the hall behind me.

 

In these situations, what does a person do? My mom can't help me. There is another person with us here but the fact that he didn't stop for my mother puts some doubt in trusting the other. Who knows if the janitor is still here, or if the power will remain on for the rest of the night.

But you know, just as I thought I'd have a panic attack and start crying: "... Oh, my daughter!! Oh thank goodness you're okay, I was so worried. That crazy man-"

 

"Mom we need to get to the janitor's closet. If he's still there I'm certain we'll be safer. Either way it's a janitor's closet; there's tons of.. Defensive tools in there!", she agreed to that plan as I helped her up and we continued.

 

And you can't even imagine how happy we were to find out that the janitor was still there. Based on his movements he was quite troubled as he fiddled with his phone and a battery radio on a metal folding table with a few chairs around it.

 

"Sir! Oh thank goodness, may the Lord bless your soul!", this obviously startled the poor guy on what looks like more than one way. Like he's been caught doing something bad... Odd man.

 

"Hello there! I didn't expect anyone else here because everyone's already left. I was planning on it earlier but the storms gotten crazy...", he rubbed the back of his neck, and with his front now facing us I couldn't see half of his face behind the shadow of the cap he was wearing. "Not to be rude but why are you ladies here tonight? And have a seat, please"

 

We took our seats at the table while my mother answered, "We had to come back for something, but as soon as we got here the storm began and we have to stay for the night too"

 

"Well, at least you two have good company. Being alone in an asylum at night, especially on a stormy one like this, is not exactly a good experience", he grinned at us as a news reporter's voice came on the radio. "Well I got the radio to work!"

 

Might as well do homework since I'm stuck here. "Um, sir? Have you seen my backpack?"

 

"Backpack?", he sounded to surprised by that question, but he quickly hid it by repeating. "Backpack...? Backpack... Ah yes, I think it's in the closet. C'mon then."

 

Just in case this guy's a maniac..."Mom we're just gonna get my backpack in the janitor's closet"

 

"Sure honey go on.."

 

My mother was focused on the radio at the moment, so I was the only one who saw the unease and stiff muscles as he stood up and headed towards the door of the closet. He hesitated- but I can't tell if it was to wait for me or... Something else. No, no.. If this guy was bad he wouldn't have hesitated to kill us already. Maybe it's because of his experiences in the asylum? He might've developed a high sense of distrust and a sharp instinct to judge people's every movement somehow. 

 

Or maybe I've been watching too much anime lately. Besides, if he did have such an ability we haven't given him a reason to distrust us. At least... None that I know of.

 

The door swung shut behind me fluidly, that it surprised both of us. We both released a sigh of relief when I checked the door handle. So yay, that's another horror movie theory removed!

 

"It should be in this place somewhere... as you can see it isn't very neat and organized", no wonder this guy didn't want anyone here. The area looked trashed and things were just organized in piles. "You'd think with me being a janitor and all, my workspace would be cleaner"

 

Indeed sir. Indeed I do.

 

"S-so um... Let me look around...", he was disturbed by my lack of reaction and chose to just get this over with, and probably ignore my existence afterwards. Oh well, adults are annoying anyway.

And we began our search...

Which lasted for probably an hour in which my mom checked on us constantly. But oh joyous wonders, I discovered the cabinet of lost and found behind a Pile of Many Things #15. I was going to open it...

"Wait! Wait, don't open!!", he pleaded behind me.

I opened it. And guess what. Dead body. In the cabinet. Patient. Mentally ill. Words. How. Darkness. Mother?

"Kid you're fine just open you're eyes", he patted my head. No duh I was just kidding about blacking out. I've seen a hamster get torn up by its own wheel, which was way more terrifying than this.

No. Not thinking about it- damnit why.

"Why is a patient, and a dangerous one, in your cabinet...", the janitor was holding a knife now, so I tried to escape through the locked...door.

 

"Is that guy d-dead?", my eyes flickered between the two of them. No shit man. No shit the guy's dead that thing flowing from him is just ketchup. Cuz he's filled with tomatoes.

 

Nonetheless the janitor chuckled, and removed his cap... His eyes. Those were the same eyes as... And his grin became menacing...

 

"No, dear. He's just asleep! Haha.. And you will be too", he held up the knife.

 

"That's the same thing Tommy said when he killed the hamster...", well technically I did that but he was the one who messed up the wheel. I tried fixing it.

 

His face lit up,"Oh, so that was the word! Right. You're gonna die."

 

"But I promise I won't even snitch! You and I are the only ones who'll know- just like Tommy promised! I mean- I.. I promised... Uh..", shit I'm going to jail for murder.

 

"W-what?!", I was surprised even more when he began laughing hysterically. "You know what, I'll let you live... You tell me your murder story and I'll share mine. Then, we both keep each others' secrets!"

 

Oh so this guy is pretty agreeable.

 

                             ----------------

Turns out he's gay, yandere, and was originally a writer. He was also going out with a criminal mastermind before this.

 

"So I killed him you know? Cut him up with a chain saw!! Cuz nobody fucks with my man!! He should've kept with the deal and not tried to gang up on him!!", this guy's adorable when he's pissed off.

 

"You're a bad role model. 'Kill everyone who bae hates' isn't something a normal person would tell someone", I blankly stated.

 

"But I'm not a normal person... And neither are you! But good for you, speaking up on your thoughts about things even though I can kill you easily", he ruffled my hair.

 

"Are we... Are we friends now?", listen up, I'm a lonely loner and this guy's practically my species. Gotta stay with the pack you Gotta

 

"What?!", he began crying tears of... Whatever. "Really?? You want to be friends?!"

 

"Yeah, you're my species", I smiled.

 

"AWWWWWW WHAT THE HELL YOU LOOK CUTE WHEN YOU SMILE!!!! AND OF COURSE DEAR WE CAN BE FRIENDS!!!", he cooed and cuddled me...

 

Obviously mom decided to check in at that time and saw the body on the ground, as well as what is happening right now.

 

How shall I explain what happened next? Well, not exactly explainable but now you know how the heck I play a role in this mess. And yes people, FINALLY, finally we can get to the real story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next Chapter on 2/27/16: "Targeted"  
> It was just too cliche really; the stoic, merciless assassin would meet the carefree, cunning thief. Both are infatuated after an encounter at night, not knowing that secretly they're actually nothing like their criminal counterparts. Ready for the cliche factor?
> 
> They're already married.


End file.
